We have all had those days when we get stuck on the crappy stuff in our lives. No matter how hard we try to look at the positive, we just can’t find one single thing. We spend the whole day faking our smiles and laughing at stupid things. Then the night comes around when we sit there in front of our laptops and just sit. We think.Think about the one thing in our life that we will never understand, and never ever be able to change.
So may quotes tell us, “Don’t look back, you aren’t going that way” and stuff about timing. We hear it all. Sometimes it’s helps. Sometimes it’s just bullcrap and we wonder what high-on-life peppy cheerleader type wrote it up.
It’s all true. All those sayings. In that day, that turns into a lonely night, you don’t care what the quotes are saying, and who has stories like yours that turned out ok. Because honestly, you would just love to do anything to just make YOU ok again. Just for YOU. You need to be ok again. You are searching for so many answers in vain. You know in your heart you will never get them, but that’s why it hurts. This pain isn’t something you’ve ever experienced, and you don’t know how to handle it yet. You just know you want the pain to stop.
So you cry.
And that’s ok. Crying is your release. It’s your heart speaking because your mouth is just done and your head can’t take hearing it anymore.
All of your nights aren’t like this. But when you’re alone. That’s all that haunts your mind. What can you do to just be free? Free of the same crap happening to you, time, after time, after time, and again? Why does God insist on taking everything away without an answer. How could you not be good enough at letting go? You let go of everything you thought He gave you. You sit there with nothing. Yeah, God is there, but in the stillness you’ve lost Him. You don’t understand why He keeps doing this. God gives mercy, and each time you run to Him with questions and you don’t expect and answer, you just pray that He makes you ok again. He gives you so many people you never thought you had.
He answers the pain. Just not how we think. It still sucks. You still have days that turn to long nights of tears. So many things bumbling around in your head you feel empty and also like you may explode.
The resolve is…..
at least when the good really does come, and stays. You won’t realize till after it truly does stay this time, that all that pain was worth it.
or maybe you learn to be okay again, and then this whole process starts over. This time you expect it, and you deal with it better than last time.